Why we hate conflict.

Why we hate conflict

The idea of facing conflict evokes FEAR.  Fear of these things:

• Fear of our emotions
• Fear of being misunderstood
• Fear of your words being used against you
• Fear of rejection
• Fear of ultimately not being accepted by the other person

This is why we avoid conflict.    The only way to resolve a conflict is to FACE IT.  In order to face it, you will have to deal with your fears.

For information on how to handle and resolve conflict, please see below link from Rick Warren.

http://www.oneplace.com/ministries/daily-hope/listen/resolving-conflict-part-1-362306.html

25 lessons I've learned in the last 25 years.

1.  Sometimes what I think I want isn't really what I want.  What I think I want isn't what I need.  What I need may not be what I want!




2.  Appreciate my health and take care of myself because it will catch up with me.



3.  Being "right" is incredibly over rated (unless you are a neurosurgeon or an anesthesiologist).



4.  Relationships matter more than "stuff".



5.  Make sure when I'm asking for advice to ask advice from the "right" person.  Someone who shares the same worldview (for me that's from the Bible) as I do, or I will get off course.



6.  Spend time creating a Life Plan not a "vacation plan".  I don't want to have to escape my life with a vacation.



7.  My children have taught me more about myself than I have about themselves.



8.  I will always make a point to add value to people's lives around me.



9.  Finding a hobby/passion that excites me warrants more time doing those things.



10.  It's important for me to have a community of people I trust surrounding me for when I get off track with my thinking or habits.



11.  I will always be open to learning lessons not matter how old I get.



12.  It's important to have people in my life who are "further along" emotionally, mentally and financially in order to ask questions and learn from.



13.  I Understand there are people I will meet that are not meant to be in my life forever so don't hold on.



14.  When it's right - I will know it.  Somethings are not meant to be "hard".



15.  Don't try to conquer big things by myself.  I wasn't designed to go through tough times by myself.



16.  Trust God.  He's there to help me succeed.  He's my LIFE COACH.  If I study his word and learn how to hear Him.  He will be my best advisor.



17.  When people hurt me, I will pray for them and wish them well.  I can't stay mad at people I pray for and wish well.



18.  Unforgiveness is a way to poison myself.



19.  It's important to be kind to people, everyone has a story.



20.  When someone asks me, "How are you?"  I will really answer them.  This gives them permission to be authentic with me and I have found developed real friendships from this authenticity.



21.  It takes ONE person to want a relationship to work.  If I am that ONE person, I will make sure the relationship I am holding onto  is a healthy one.



22.  Healthy love is patient, kind, forgiving, gentle, trusting, doesn't keep score, not easily angered or offended.  If I am not those things, my number one goal would be to learn HOW TO BE those things
.

23.  I don't have to be like everyone else to accept everyone else.  Accept and love people and embrace their uniqueness.



24.  It's perfectly natural for my kids to grow up and want to be separate from me- it's not rejection - it's human nature!!



25.  Love my kids and spend time with them when I can, it will make all the difference when they are older and it will define a legacy which will outlast me.



BONUS:
26.  Find a career I love and don't waste time in a career I am not gifted to be in.  This doesn't mean I don't make sacrifices, but I let those sacrifices be material things (not my time) until I find a career I fall in love with.  I am gifted for certain professions, figure out what those are and DON'T GIVE UP until I get there!!



27.   When you get married, it's not about choosing the perfect person, it's about loving the IMPERFECT person you chose.


28.  Figure out the top 5 roles you want to play and get really good at those roles and don't spread myself too thin.

Why I hate Facebook

5 reasons why I hate Facebook.

1.  Facebook promotes superficial relationships.  

I want to nurture authentic relationships not superficial ones.  The people on my Facebook that are authentic I will continue to text, email and call.  However, some people belong in your past - keep them there!  

2.  Facebook promotes low self esteem and cheap validation. 

Every time I updated my photo or uploaded a photo of my family, I felt like I was begging for attention and validation.  I don't need validation.  I know who I am and I know who my family are.  They are cute, adorable and so am I.

3.  Facebook steals my time.  
Minute by minute scrolling through people's opinions, food choices and photos steals time away from my husband, kids and my close friends.  I'd rather spend my time reading books that will IMPROVE my life.  Life is short and I'm quite sure I  won't wish I'd spent more time on Facebook when I'm on my death bed.

4.  Facebook promotes discontent.  
Every time I would see someone taking a cool vacation with their family or having a meal out, I am happy for them....and unhappy for me.  It makes me compare and I don't need to compare.  My life is awesome so why tempt myself by comparing my life to others. 

5.  Facebook uses me.
Yes, ultimately Facebook is the ultimate marketing tool and they use all my friends, interest and life to promote and make money.  I'm not going to be used for anything other than to serve out God's purpose in my life in the name of love and Facebook just doesn't fit into that theme.

Have anything to add?

God loved you first!

I have been listening to Rick Warren's podcast "What on Earth Am I here For?  Called to Be Loved" and I wanted to share Rick Warren's points regarding what we are called to do.

Our first purpose of our life is to be LOVED BY GOD.  Our first calling is to ENJOY A RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD.  That relationship that God wants you to have is to be His SON or His DAUGHTER.
1 John 3

God's love is wide enough to be anywhere - no place on the planet where God's love doesn't exist.

Because we are God's children, He will share His inheritance.  We have total access to God because He loves us that much.  We can go boldly to God anytime we want and talk to him.  We can go to Him with confidence in our time of need.  We are daughters and sons of God and we can ask for anything in Jesus' name.

When I stopped having a religion and started having a relationship with God, I could then experience peace in the mist of the pain.  That's the difference between having a "religion" versus having a "relationship".  Our God is a LIVING GOD, He is available 24/7 if we acknowledge Him and pray.  It doesn't mean He will give us everything we ask, because some of the things we ask for are not the best thing for us and we don't even know that because we can't see the bigger picture.  There are just going to be some things that happen that we can't explain that are negative life events, God promises to give us the "peace that passes all understanding" if we go to him with thanksgiving and supplication (earnestly asking for help).

Everything Happens For A Reason

There is a saying "Everything happens for a reason" I subscribe to that with the disclaimer that bad things don't "happen for a reason". The "Happen for a reason" part happens when we take our bad moment and apply a redemptive process to it finding the good that could come from it and releasing it from making us bitter. I've had some bad things happen to me....things I've had no control over, and I admit ...applying this process to those events didn't come easy. The one central theme that did come from applying this redemptive process with each negative life event, I became more and more empathetic to those around me. People became not only more relatable, but I felt their pain. While I would love to wish nothing bad ever happened to me, I would not want to give up my ability to empathize with others on such a transparent level.

This learning came from creating my life plan from Donald Miller's "Creating Your Life Plan".  If you want more information, go to: http://www.creatingyourlifeplan.com/

Making room to love

Making room for love by getting rid of judgement.

As soon as I realized what the part is I play in this thing called life (my unique gifts), I stopped judging others who didn't have the same , they are playing their part, I'm playing my part - just as in a choir. You do don't chastise the bass singers for not singing soprano, nor do you judge the altos for not singing tenor. We are not the director, we are merely the person playing "our part". Once I understood this (recent revelation), my frustration with others not seeing things the way I do - fell away and made room for peace and love.

Personal Faith goal setting

Why Godly Goal setting is important

Why is it important to set Godly goals?

1. It's spiritual discipline
Life is linear, not circular- moving towards goal

2. Goals moves towards energy-FOCUS
Be intentional. 1 Corinth 9
Focused energy creates big things. You don't have time for everything. 2nd class causes betray us.  Urgent is usually not most important.  Won't matter tomorrow.  Don't waste time on nonessentials.

3.  Goals stretch your faith.  Do something that requires God help.  Dream great dreams for God.  What would require me in faith?  Take risks.

4.  Goals build your character (cultivate).  Obstacles change character.  God wants you to grow up.  You take your character to heaven, nothing else.  It's the struggle that develops the character. Don't give in, when you have difficultie.

#1 goal is to be like Jesus. Fruit of the spirit.  It will take time.  You want to be more kind.  How? Is it measurable?

5.  Goals give you hope.  Hope to cope.  Hope is essential to life.  Have something to look forward to.

If you have no goal, then it will stay stays quo.  Long term goals keep me from short term set backs.

Jeremiah 29:11

What are Godly goals?

1.  Bring glory to God. 1 Corinth 10:31
Any goal that causes me to love Jesus more, serve him, witness. Cause you to obey him more and trust him more.  Any goal that make me more grateful to God, Goal to please Him.  "Look what God did for me?"

2.  Motivated by love.  Why did you set this goal?  He wants to know why you set the goal.  He won't bless a goal motivated by pride, ego, peer pressure, jealousy, envy, materialism, anger, fear or guilt.  He blesses goals that are motivated by love.  Everything you do, EVERYTHING YOU DO must be done WITH LOVE.  This is the number 1 lesson in life.  If you don't learn how to love, nothing else matters.

3.  Set a goal that requires faith.  It has to be big enough to depend on God to make it.  If you make it big enough, then you can say "Look what God helped me do", this is how we give glory to God with our goals.  Stretch and get out of your comfort zone and see the awesome power God has!

4.  They are achieved with God's power.  Again, if you set goals that require you to stretch, you will witness God's power (if it's motivated by the right reasons), and you can give credit to God.

How to achieve Godly goals?

1.  Write down the Steps, Deadline and put on the schedule.

When you make a plan, for your family, your business or your kids:  

1. STEPS - What are the steps to get from A to Z
2. DEADLINE - Deadline with every one of those steps.
3.  SCHEDULE - Put in your schedule.  Put it on the calendar.

2.  Discipline - You need discipline to achieve goals.  God is more important in your character in reaching the goal than the goal itself.  You last in eternity while your goals will only last a a generation or so.

3.  Depend on people.  You need to involve other people.  Success is never a one man show, it always involves more than 1 person.  God doesn't want you to go through life as a long ranger.  We are better together.  The greatest lesson in life for you to learn is to learn how to love others.  If all your goals can be accomplished by yourself, then they aren't from God.  God wants you to learn cooperation, to learn teamwork, sensitivity, deference and all the characteristics on getting along with people.  Ask yoruself, "Who else can I involve?"

God wants you to be the answer to other people's prayer as well.  He doesn't want you to live an isolated, selfish kind of life.

4.  Deposit the price.  There is always a price tag to reach the goal.  It may cost you time or money.  Letting go of things you like to do to make time for this.  Know upfront there are just things you will be giving up to achieve this goal.

Notes from Rick Warren's message "God's Prescription for a Healthy, Life, Setting Goals in Faith"