4 common causes of loneliness:
1. Transition - life is a series of transitions. Any major change can bring on a tinge of loneliness. Always a loss with every change. That loss can bring on a little loneliness. Any life change can bring on loneliness.2. Separation - The price of independence is loneliness. It's rampant in our society because we are separated from those we love for many different reasons.
3. Opposition - when you are under attack by others. Temptation to build up walls and in order to not let people hurt us again and end up making our self lonelier.
4. Rejection - When you feel forsaken, abandoned by people you trusted. We all have a need to be accepted by other people. When we don't get that it causes enormous pain. Rejection is the worst thing you can do to a person. Maybe someone walked out on you. God cares about the heartache in your heart. It matters to Him.
You were designed by God for a deep emotional need to be accepted by others.
People who are lonely try getting unlonely by self-defeating ways....like workaholics...so we don't have to think about the lingering pain in our heart. We think, "If we can just stay busy I can avoid the pain". Materialism, "I will buy peace". Sexual escape to compensate for loneliness. Life becomes a series of one night stands, bar hopping. Escape into fantasy and try pornography and they dream about a relationship they are dying to have but it's just isn't there and isn't satisfied.
Most people will fall into depression. They get into a spiral that takes them lower and lower and build buffers around themselves and no one can get around them and they live in a perpetual state of depression. People build walls around themselves of solitary confinement. God made us to be in relationship with Him and with others.
What do you do when you go through this season of loneliness?
1. Utilize your time. Make the best of a best situation. Resist the temptation to do nothing. Take action - any kind of action. If life gives you a lemon - make lemonade. Try to think of creative ways to take advantage of the season you are in. When we are lonely or depressed we don't take care of ourselves very well. Do the best you can to take care of yourself. Ask yourself, "What can I do now that will be difficult to do with others now?"
2. Minimize my hurts - don't rehearse it over and over. Refuse to become resentful. Bitterness will eat you up. Play down the hurt.
3. Recognize God is presence. God will not leave us comfortless. He is with us always even in the end of the world. We are never really fully alone.
Loneliness is often a FEAR of love. Afraid to be vulnerable, afraid to step out and risk rejection. The biggest problem of this fear of love is we don't give ourselves away and we build walls around ourselves.
Loneliness is a time to become better acquainted time with God. Prayer is a powerful antidote to loneliness. You can talk to God anytime, anywhere and anyplace. He cares. Emphasize others needs. Focus outward on others and stop focusing on yourself. Find a ministry where you can use your talents and gifts to help other people. The loneliness person is a person who is wrapped up in themselves...the selfish and self-centered person. If you want to break out of loneliness and stop saying "I don't have any friends" and start BEING a friend. Give yourself away. See a world that is waiting for friends. Emphasize other's need. A lot of loneliness is just a fear of love. We are afraid to be open, to be vulnerable to share how we really feel and step out and risk a relationship because we may be rejected - when we do this we fear love and we don't give ourselves away. Stop building walls and start building bridges between you and other people. TAKE A RISK and begin to help other people.
Regardless of why you feel lonely, God says this to you, "I made you...I put you on this earth for a purpose, I care about you....I LOVE YOU, I have a plan for your life."
The fact is, we expect other people to meet needs in our life that only Jesus Christ can meet. No man or woman can meet those needs because they are TOO DEEP. No matter how much a person knows you they will never know you completely like God does. Loneliness is homesickness for God.
*notes from Pastor Rick Warren, "The Season of loneliness"
