The top 5 reasons why it took me 10 years to go to church

Top five 5 reasons why it took me 10 years to go to church.

I few weeks ago I encountered a couple and engaged in a conversation about church.   I noticed the topic going off into several tangents with regards to this couples faith, passion and pain.  In this conversation, the passion (and I"m not so sure the passion was healthy) was so aggressive towards people knowing how "sacred communion is" that I had a quick flash back to my days when I was petrified to be around "Christian people".  This person found it of ABSOULTE importance that everyone coming to church should know the deep theology that corresponded with communion.  Hmm.  I reminded her that many people who come to church may not even know what communion is, they were lost and something sparked them to come to a church service to see if God was there.  If a person like this (like me) would of encountered this couple and their "passion", they would never return.  This led me to sharing the 5 biggies why it took me 10 years to go back to church AFTER I found Jesus and had a close, personal relationship with Him.

1.  My experience with Christians were that of judgement and condemnation.   I wasn't raised in a church going family, I didn't "know things", I had "sin" in my life that I felt like I would be judged on.   I didn't realize that Jesus could use that ignorance to His benefit until later. PS.  I'm still learning "things" after working at a church for 4 years.  By the way...I've since discovered NOT ALL CHRISTIANS are judgmental and condemning!

2.  I felt safer alone.  

Yes, no risks.  I could just commune with my God and not have to take any risks of being vulnerable and being judged.  On the flip side, it kept me from connecting with people on deep levels as well.

3.  I didn't know any Christians

My world was filled with "good people who didn't need God".  I had one Christian friend and even the church they went to I witnessed behavior that (in my mind seasoned Christians would act like).  Yes, seasoned (mature) Christians still act human.  What a relief - the goal is not to be perfect!!!

4.  I didn't know enough to know WHAT type of church to go to.

Instinctively I knew there were no denominations in heaven, so I was ignorant of the different theologies, and quite frankly was "bliss" with that ignorance.

5.  I didn't want to be associated as a "religious" person.  Jesus was not "religious" in fact he called the pharisees "vipers and snakes".  The religious people of his time were his worst enemies!  He was a rebel against "religion".  There is nothing more ugly to me than a judgmental person using God as their weapon against people.  This is SO WRONG.  the more I studied Jesus, I more I came to understand he did NOT condemn people.  He gave them opportunities to follow him, but when they decided against it, he didn't argue with them, judge them or snuff his nose.  He wished them well and kept walking.   He met peoples needs on basic levels and told him about His father in heaven and how to treat people.  I wanted to be a Jesus disciple, but not a religious person.

In summary, if you are a "religious" person, do us all a favor, LIGHTEN UP.  We aren't all raised in churches, learning what all the church language is or understanding why its important to you.  We are broken, we want to find hope in God and we are going to Church in the hopes he's there.  Don't scare us away with your language and attitudes.  Don't judge us.  Meet our needs.  Mostly we just need to know it's okay we don't know anything but we need help.

The irony of all of this is now I work at a church.  But, isn't this just like God to put someone like me at the front line of the mission.  He knew that I would make sure everyone I came into contact with would feel welcomed even if they didn't know the "terms".  I love church now, I still don't like being around the "religious" ones, but I've found many more heartfelt merciful loving people in the church than the few that spoil it.  So, don't let one bad experience ruin it for you.  Keep swinging the bat to find a place to call home.  God never intended for you do "life" without a spiritual family....maybe that family is at a church, maybe not, but finda spiritual family so you can go through "stuff" together and develop deep connections.  It's worth it!

My Lenten Journey - Day 8

March 12, 2014

The day I stepped out of my comfort zone and had my first choir rehearsal.  Wow.  I was a nervous wreck.  My husband and I joined the Festival Choir to sing at the Easter Cantata (a word I wouldn't of even know what it meant had I not came to work here).

I'm excited and nervous at the same time.

When I was in high school I tried out for a choir and failed the audition.  I allowed that failure to keep me from singing in front of people (with exception of my kids) for my whole life.  Occasionally my husband would catch me singing worship and encourage me.  My self consciousness about singing grew and grew and grew to the point where it's a mountain in my mind.  IN MY MIND.

The good news is that I've learned that I don't have to bow to my feelings.  That just because I feel a certain way doesn't mean I have to give into it.  So, my love of singing has outweighed my fear of being "heard". Enough so to commit to singing in the Easter Cantata.  I've been practicing for weeks with the CD our Music Director has given me and I have stretched my vocal cords and practiced in front of my daughter who would tell me the truth if I stunk really bad!  She has a natural voice for singing and she believes I can do this.  So from the faith of my daughter and knowing God is with me and will anoint me do this, I'm stepping out of my comfort zone.

There I was seated in between two seasoned choir singers about to sing and realizing both of them will hear me.  I said a quick prayer and did the best I could.  I couldn't really hear myself singing which made me nervous to know if I was harmonizing or not.  I was getting praise from the Music Director but she is my peer and knows I am nervous so I was thankful for her encouragement.  I tried to adjust to my uncomfortable self by making jokes and making people laugh.  Interesting that I do that as a way to lighten my own spirits.  In a way I was humbling myself and setting the stage for people to not expect a whole lot from this new choir singer.

My husband was singing bass and later he disclosed he was as nervous and I and at 2/3 of the way through felt he didn't belong there.  We discussed the miracle on the other side of our stretching ourselves and comfort zones (as well as our vocal cords) and we agreed to keep going on.  To pray and ask for help.

The next day I asked our Music Director how I did.  She said I did great and I blended right in.  That if I was out of harmony, she would of heard me.  She offered to work with me as much as I needed.  I explained to her this was much bigger than singing.  This was about overcoming vulnerability and rejection and I was trusting God to do something great with me stepping out on this ledge.

Today I conquered a fear with God's help.  I will take it a day at time and know that I am not left alone to overcome my fears.  The bible says 365 times "Do not be afraid".  Taped to my computer monitor is the verse:

"I can do whatever I need to do in life through Christ who strengthens me"  Phil 4:3

Father God, thank you for the opportunity to tell Jesus' passion in a form of worship.  Please continue to give me strength of spirit to risk rejection and to put myself out there for all to see in an area I don't feel qualified.  Let you be the qualifier for me.  Let your Holy Spirit take over my voice and sing to You.  Please help both me and Charles adjust to our discomfort and know that on the other side awaits a miracle.  We put our lives into your hands and surrender all. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Loneliness - Causes and Cures

2 Timothy 4, The last words Apostle Paul ever wrote, he's dying in prison in Rome, he's struggling with loneliness.

4 common causes of loneliness:

1.  Transition - life is a series of transitions.  Any major change can bring on a tinge of loneliness.  Always a loss with every change.  That loss can bring on a little loneliness.  Any life change can bring on loneliness.

2. Separation -   The price of independence is loneliness.  It's rampant in our society because we are separated from those we love for many different reasons.

3. Opposition - when you are under attack by others.  Temptation to build up walls and in order to not let people hurt us again and end up making our self lonelier.

4.  Rejection - When you feel forsaken, abandoned by people you trusted.  We all have a need to be accepted by other people.  When we don't get that it causes enormous pain.  Rejection is the worst thing you can do to a person.  Maybe someone walked out on you.  God cares about the heartache in your heart.  It matters to Him.

You were designed by God for a deep emotional need to be accepted by others.

People who are lonely try getting unlonely by self-defeating ways....like workaholics...so we don't have to think about the lingering pain in our heart.  We think, "If we can just stay busy I can avoid the pain".  Materialism, "I will buy peace".  Sexual escape to compensate for loneliness.  Life becomes a series of one night stands, bar hopping.  Escape into fantasy and try pornography and they dream about a relationship they are dying to have but it's just isn't there and isn't satisfied.

Most people will fall into depression.  They get into a spiral that takes them lower and lower and build buffers around themselves and no one can get around them and they live in a perpetual state of depression.  People build walls around themselves of solitary confinement.  God made us to be in relationship with Him and with others.

What do you do when you go through this season of loneliness?

1.  Utilize your time.  Make the best of a best situation.  Resist the temptation to do nothing.  Take action - any kind of action.  If life gives you a lemon - make lemonade.  Try to think of creative ways to take advantage of the season you are in.  When we are lonely or depressed we don't take care of ourselves very well.  Do the best you can to take care of yourself.  Ask yourself, "What can I do now that will be difficult to do with others now?"

2.  Minimize my hurts - don't rehearse it over and over.  Refuse to become resentful.  Bitterness will eat you up.  Play down the hurt.

3.  Recognize God is presence.  God will not leave us comfortless.  He is with us always even in the end of the world.  We are never really fully alone.

Loneliness is often a FEAR of love.  Afraid to be vulnerable, afraid to step out and risk rejection.  The biggest problem of this fear of love is we don't give ourselves away and we build walls around ourselves.

Loneliness is a time to become better acquainted time with God.  Prayer is a powerful antidote to loneliness.  You can talk to God anytime, anywhere and anyplace.  He cares.  Emphasize others needs.  Focus outward on others and stop focusing on yourself.  Find a ministry where you can use your talents and gifts to help other people.  The loneliness person is a person who is wrapped up in themselves...the selfish and self-centered person.  If you want to break out of loneliness and stop saying "I don't have any friends" and start BEING a friend.  Give yourself away.  See a world that is waiting for friends.  Emphasize other's need.  A lot of loneliness is just a fear of love.  We are afraid to be open, to be vulnerable to share how we really feel and step out and risk a relationship because we may be rejected - when we do this we fear love and we don't give ourselves away.  Stop building walls and start building bridges between you and other people.  TAKE A RISK and begin to help other people.

Regardless of why you feel lonely, God says this to you, "I made you...I put you on this earth for a purpose, I care about you....I LOVE YOU, I have a plan for your life."

The fact is, we expect other people to meet needs in our life that only Jesus Christ can meet.  No man or woman can meet those needs because they are TOO DEEP.  No matter how much a person knows you they will never know you completely like God does.  Loneliness is homesickness for God.

*notes from Pastor Rick Warren, "The Season of loneliness"

Happiness is a choice

Growing in the Season of Loss
Happiness is a choice.

"Thou shall not bellyache"  There are people in the world that would love to have our problems.  It's all about perspective.   I use to complain about not having any shoes until I met a man with no legs.

Bitterness causes us to complain.  Bitterness causes deep trouble and hurting many in their spiritual life.

Acts of God?
new born baby
marriage restored
body ressored and healed
someone set free from addiction

Steps to grow during the seasons of loss.

1.  Accept what cannot be changed.  Face the world FIRM AND COURAGEOUS.  Reach out to God.
2.  Faith is refusing to be discouraged in the face of reality.  Don't pretend you don't have a problem.  It's refusing to be discouraged in spite of the problem that is Faith.

3. Acceptance is the first step to peace.  The only way to peace is to accept.
Instead of being bitter look at what's left instead of what you've lost.  Be thankful God is still with you.  Need an Antedote for depression?  Gratitude.  Look at what's left and not what's lost.

4.  Remember what's important in the losses of life.   The greatest things in life aren't things.  What really matters are relationships and people.  Don't lose your joy over things that aren't important.  We brought nothing into the world, we can't take anything out of it.  You need to build your security from something that can't be taken from you.

Don't confuse your self worth with your net worth.   They are unrelated.  Make your security, the security of Jesus Christ.

Father I thank you for your security.  Thank you for the reminders that "stuff" doesn't matter, but "people" do.  Help me to invest in people and not in "things".  Amen.

*notes from Pastor Rick Warren, "Growing in the Season of Loss".

Enjoy every day of your life...

Growing in the Seasons of Life - 
ENJOY EVERY SEASON YOU ARE IN.

Seasons of life - beyond our control - can't control duration, location or anything about them.  Your schedule just gets thrown out the door.

Grief/Loss is a season of life, and you will go threw that many times in life.  Through death of someone you love or people you love, like your kids, growing up and moving away.

Waiting is a season of life.  Some seasons speed by and others drag on.  Seasons can be confusing.  We understand the season AFTER they are over.

God determines the seasons. See Daniel 2:21.  God is in ultimate control moving towards a destiny He ultimately designed.

God wants to teach you to life by faith not by explanation.  The Christian life lives by faith.  Ecc 3:11.  God does everything just right and on time but people cannot completely understand what he is doing.  If we could understand everything, we would be God.  Our brain isn't big enough to understand why God does what he does.  He has a purpose for every season of our life.

Do I hold on or do I let go.  Difficult times.  A time to keep and a time to throw away.

How can I make the most of each season.  Regardless there are four questions to ask yourself:  Every single season there is an important lesson to learn.

1.  What can I learn in this season of life?  Only learn through experience.  How can I grow from this?
2.  Life is a test.  You will spend far more time in eternity than in here on earth.  God wants us to learn a whole bunch of things before we get over there.  Learn character qualities and will take into eternity. Life is preparation for eternity.
3. What is most important in this season of my life?
4.  ENJOY THE SEASONS

Those who forget the past make the same mistakes.  Don't forget the lessons you learn or you have to relearn them.  Write down the lessons you learn.  So here it goes.

Yesterday I learned that maybe I don't have to be all or nothing on every aspect of my life.  Balance for some areas is healthy - like eating healthy and exercise.  I'm either focused on eating healthy or not at all.  How do I balance the two?  I also learned that I have a "straw ministry".  I am one end of the straw and God is at the other end and He is flowing straight through me to the outside world around me in everyone I meet and encounter - AS LONG AS I AM BALANCED.

I also learned that I'm learning to be content with what I have and that things don't need to be perfect for me to be happy.  People ought to enjoy every day of their life.  Each day is a gift from God.  "Give thanks in all circumstances".  Time is life and life is short.  You can't have it all - all the time.  Make some decisions about what really matters at this time of life.

If you are wise, you will begin to enjoy every single moment of the season you are in.

Father, help me to see the joys of the season I am in, help me to have the discipline to write down my lessons and not have to relearn them.  Help me to make the most of every season and see you in it every single day.

*notes and thoughts from "Understanding the seasons of life" by Pastor Rick Warren.

God's power

Where to put God first?

Whatever you put Him first in your life, will be blessed

5 places

F - Finances - If you want God to bless your finances, you MUST tithe.  God must always get paid first.

I - Interest - hobbies, interest, recreation.  Give God consideration in all your interests.

R - Relationships -  Bring Him into the center of all your relationships.

S - Schedule - Give Him the first part of every day.  You give him the first consideration in all your decisions.

T - Trouble - Need to turn to God first, when you have a problem.  PRAY first.  Don't pray LAST.

Live in His Kingdom, live BY His power.  God does not bless self-reliant people.  He blesses people who are submitted to Him but are God - Dependent. God does what you expect Him to do.  God doesn't give us what we deserve,  He gives us what we needs.  The more we depend on God instead of yourself.  God can do more in ONE week than we can do in our entire lifetime.  That's why it's never too late to surrender to God.

How do I get God's power in my life?

1.  Praying - prayer is the connection to God's power.  Much prayer, much power, little prayer, little prayer, no prayer, no power.
2.  Taking risks to obey God.  If you do what God is telling you to do, God will pour out His power in your life.  We only grow when our faith is being stretched.  If you aren't taking any risks, you don't need any faith.

Don't wait to be confident.  DO IT AFRAID.  Do the thing you fear the most.  Move ahead in spite of your feelings.

God does a miracle when you take the first step, the moment you step out in faith.  God is waiting on you for a miracle....if you want to walk on water, you have to get out of the boat.  Never be afraid to get out on a limb, that's where the miracle is.

What do you know God wants you to do that you haven't done yet?  What is scarying you to death?  That's the very thing God wants you to do, step out in faith and let Him show you a miracle.  Don't give up.

God, I ask you at this moment to bring to my mind that which scares me the most that you want me to do...put in my mind where you would have me step out in faith.  Let me go forward bolding and with faith be a part of the miracle you want to do in my life so I may give you all the glory.  Amen.

*notes from Pastor Rick Warren's "Connecting with God, The Prayer of Fulfillment, Part 2".