Dear Darla of the past,

I’m writing this to you in the hopes you can circumvent some of the train wrecks you have on the horizon if you keep on the path you are on.

First of all, I want you to know that Jesus is the hole in your heart and to search Him out and believe His promises and the Word of God and not the words of others around you.  The Devil will try to destroy you and your mind with lies about yourself and others, don’t believe him, believe in the truth of the Bible.  Study it every day and pray for revelation and truth to be revealed.

Your brother, your sisters, your mom and dad and peers have lied to you.  You are beautiful, you are worth something, Jesus accepts you as you are.  You do belong to His kingdom, stop trying to belong to the world, you don’t belong to the world. 

Life will be tough, but you will get through it and you will learn and be stronger because of your trials.  Find your gifts and serve others with your gifts.  You cannot be selfish and happy at the same time.  You don’t have to do it alone, you have the Holy Spirit.  Find a community of believers who will remind you and encourage you every day.

You can stop trying to fit into your families culture. Your family culture is not God’s culture.  Your self esteem is not equal to their opinion and your performance (and success) but rather the truth of what God says about you and He says you are the “righteousness of God”.  Believe me that you are.  I know you are ashamed of your behavior/decisions you’ve made and in your heart you desperately want to make the right decisions, but you’re are divided between what your heart says and what your environment is telling you. 

You are beautiful the way you are.  Accept yourself and stop trying to please everyone around you in the hopes of feeling unconditional acceptance.  Only God can love you the way you long for, so search him and build the relationship with him so you will feel that connection.

You have compassion and a heart to serve, so go serve.  Use your creativity and discernment and find a way to serve, you will find joy there.

Lastly, remember that YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY and to balance putting yourself last to everyone else’s needs.  Your needs matter.  YOU MATTER.  YOU MATTER TO GOD.  Take care of your body, LOVE YOURSELF.  TAKE CARE to what you read, the people you invest in and the environment you place yourself in.

Remember….the best is yet to come and you CAN HOPE FOR HAPPINESS.

I love you,

Darla (senior)

Obedience - our gift to God

Last night I had to deal with an injustice done against myself.  I was trespassed against.  I was hurt yet the response from the person who hurt me was unempathic and uncompassionate.  I cried.  I was frustrated.  I felt how unjust it was that I was the victim yet the entire situation was turned around on me as if I was the trespassor.  The person who attacked me verbally and viciously with mean words and aggression, at that moment, didn't care how it made me feel.  I was trespassed against....and now here I sit knowing in my heart that I must forgive as Christ has forgiven me.  I have to understand that the person who attacked me was not really the person but a demonic spirit inside of them....my war was with the spiritual realm not with the person.

It sucks to know that and I'll tell you why.  Because I've been given the knowledge of this situation I'm the one to die to my flesh and seek the righteous path of forgiving even when forgiveness isn't asked.  I'm a professional at forgiving see because I get to practice this almost every day for one reason or another.  I do get tired and I do want "my turn", but you see I'm not allowed to.  So, today with my headache, my tired eyes from lack of sleep (and tears), I have to remember that I'm held accountable for what I know to be true and that's all God asks me to do.  Here is what I know to be true if I want to experience the miracle on the other side of this horrible event.

1.  I must forgive and do the right thing no matter the wrong done to me.
2.  I must ask God for His direction.
3.  I must pull myself together for my family because God is with me and cares about my family.
4.  I must repeat scripture over the repeating torments of the evil words spoken over me.
5.  I must face the truth that people may never repent and I need to forgive no matter what.
6.  I must face the truth of how I contributed to this event
7.  I must understand that Victory is already mine through Christ Jesus and I don't have to be afraid.
8.  I must let it go and trust God and stop trying to understand
9.  I must not give up with knowing that I deserve to be talked to with respect, honor and compassion.
10.  I must stand up for myself and righteousness at all costs....not to be silenced out of fear.
11.  I must remember the love that fills my heart comes from the one who gave me my heart.

Pray for me, pray for my family.   I am held accountable at this very moment for what's going through MY head and MY thoughts so I take every thought captive under the obedience of Jesus Christ.  I must do the right thing inspite of the wrong done to me.  I must be righteous and obedient because I want to please God more than I want to please others.  I will remember there is evil in the world who sets out like a lion seeking to destroy and devour all that is good and righteous.  I plead the blood of Jesus and I bind all spirits and weapons formed against me to not prosper, in Jesus Name. amen.

The bottom line - even if I don't feel like forgiving, I must.  My feelings will catch up to me.  I also need to establish clear boundaries and stay in the truth at all times never wavering or getting weary for standing up for what's right - even if what's right is the way you are treating me and my family.

Passing the Tests of Life: Lessons to get unstuck and prepared for where you want to go - Book Review

George Davis wrote a book that is so practical and relevant to the average every day Christian.  His book "Passing the Tests of Life" had made such an impact on me that I felt compelled to have a 7 week book study on this in my community.  It has proven to be instrumental in spiritual development and growth.  If you apply the principles in this book you will gain perspective on why things happen over and over and what lesson you are meant to learn.  Life will give you opportunities to learn lessons over and over until you finally pass.  Read this book and get a proactive approach.  Learn about how to deal with confrontation, being misunderstood, disappointment, offense, gratitude, pressure and more.  The life lessons are as follows:

1.  The Self Test

2.  The Time Test

3.  The Pressure Test

4.  The Distraction Test

5.  The Lot Test

6.  The Test of being Misunderstood

7.  The Confrontation Test

8.  The Money Test

9.  The Disappointment Test

10. The Offense Test

11. The Gratitude Test

12. The Perfect Storm - (when all the tests converge on you)

This book not only defines the tests but also gives you steps to PASS the test and move towards more spiritual maturity.  You will learn how to know when you are being tested, who is testing you, why you are being tested and how to pass the test.

I recommend this book to anyone who is tired of dealing with the same issues over and over.  It's an easy read, easy to follow and understand and VERY practical.

Divorce - What's waiting for you after the emotions and feeling of failure subside

Last night I "accidentally" sat at a table with a woman who is leading a DivorceCare class .  With her was a woman who is going through a divorce with someone she spent 25 years with.  I sat at the table because one of the Pastors I work with was sitting there and I was looking for someone.  He quickly introduced me to these two ladies and explained to them that I too have gone through divorce and knows what it feels like.

The one woman going through the divorce mentioned how she wakes up thinking about the divorce and goes to sleep with it thinking about it.  She explained how she felt like a failure and she is struggling with what her part was in the whole scenario.I shared a little (and it really was just a small tidbit) of my experience.  I shared with her that on the other side of this divorce is a miracle.  I look back and I can unquestionably identify my greatest spiritual growth during these horrible times of grief.  I told her that she may have been a part of the failure, just repent that she may have and move past that asking God to renew her and show her the parts of her that need to be change.  We have to get right with God and then accept the forgiveness and not carry it around with us.  This is the part I didn't know about which is why I continued on a path of self destruction.  I carried around guilt and shame which made me care nothing about my character.  I felt defeated more often than anything else.

My Story
You see I've been divorced two times not just once.  The first divorce was from the man I thought I would live my entire life.  He had been my hero since the time I was 16.  It was devastating when it ended.  I prompted the ending because emotionally I couldn't handle being in the marriage any longer.  Emotionally I was so empty and had felt so much rejection and had given him so much power over my feelings and allowed his words/actions to define me.  You see, I didn't know Jesus intimately, I didn't know what the Word said about how important I was to God.  I made my husband God.  This wasn't fair to him and it was just a setup for failure for me to be disappointed.  His opinion of me, his actions towards me all defined my mental state.  I was defined by him emotionally.  Looking back, I realize he was just as insecure as I was so you can imagine the roller coaster ride of that marriage.  We were together for 5 years when I left.  I remember driving up to our apartment, seeing his car and having a physical sick reaction immediately at knowing I would be facing him.  If I knew what I know now, that who I am is not how people treat me or what people say about me but what the Word of God says about me, I'm quite sure we would still be married and we would of worked through our problems.

My 2nd marriage was more about immigration than love.  The grief and devastation of my 1st marriage set me in a motion of self destruction and a feeling of total unworthiness of which I went out and found men who would validate that unworthiness for the next 7 years!  I was having sexual relations with a younger man from another country and got pregnant!  I was 29 years old, pregnant and living out in the country completing avoiding the real world.  This pregnancy is what changed everything for me.  I decided to carry out the pregnancy (in a step of faith due to supernatural events I will explain in another blog story) and my son, Jacob was born.  A year later, his father and I decided to get married due to changes in immigration laws (he was illegal). Sadly my attitude towards marriage at this time was "if it doesn't work out, we'll just divorce", Yes, I remember having that actual thought.   I wanted my son to have a chance at knowing his father though.  The joke was on me though because 2 1/2 year later I came home to having all my husbands belongings removed with no note or anything.  He chose alcohol over his family.  I thought, "Wow, I really MUST be a loser to not even know how to keep an alcoholic happy."  It was this event which was the spark that lit the fire in my heart to seek God with a relentless attitude.  To understand who I am in Christ and what that means.  I kept hearing it, but didn't understand it.  It took me another 5 years of pursuing God and studying His word (and another horrible horrible boyfriend) before I finally was restored enough to enter into a relationship I felt God had set up exactly for me.

I don't dwell on my failures because God has since honored me with a wonderful marriage and children.   Yes, I made mistakes, I failed, but I agreed with God this was never His plan for me and I finally surrendered everything to Him and let Him lead me.  My greatest fear became about doing what "WASN'T" His plan.  I had enough train wrecks, I wanted to experience the fullness of God. I'm sure that God would of honored the first marriage with children and happiness had I been pursuing righteousness and not trying to escape emotional hell every day, however the most important thing that I did was continue to pursue His Word and praying without ceasing and eventually - I got it!

The difference between my current marriage and the others??  Not the person.  I'm married to a more complex man today than my first two husbands although he is a gem.  Here's what I have done right: 1) I waited and trusted God to tell me who He wanted me to be with 2) I continue to seek, read, study and pray about being healthy emotionally and to keep God on the pedestal not my husband; 3) I have discovered who I am in Christ as a result of prayer and study; 4) I have learned to LOVE above all things and how unimportant pride and principle is.  I've learned to LOVE myself first and to know that God wants the best for me event though I've been a major mess up.  He still loves me and still wants me to have life and have it abundantly.  I accepted his forgiveness and I don't carry guilt and shame around with me, I left it at the foot of the cross.

Save your marriage if possible
I want you to know that if you can salvage your marriage DO IT.  Set your pride aside, forgive them.  You were in love once.   It's better to work through the problems than starting over.  As Joyce Meyer says, "the grass may be greener, but you have to mow that grass too".  While God has honored me with my journey, I will tell you that divorce is no longer an option for me.  If my husband decides to leave, I will do whatever I can to save the marriage.  There is free will and he still may decide to leave, but I won't be so easily gotten rid of.  Ask your husband/wife if there is ANY way to save the marriage.  You see when I left my husband, he didn't even try to get me to stay. He didn't ask me to stay. Because he didn't even ask or attest, I figured it was what he wanted.  What would of happened if he shared his emotions of wanting our marriage to work?  Speak up, take the risk of being vulnerable at the risk of it going no where.  It's worth the risk.  If it really is over (your spouse has moved on), then just remember you WILL be okay.  God IS present.  He will honor your heart and will give you a rich harvest for your obedience and steadfastness.....believe that with all your heart.

I woke up this morning realizing that I have a testimony to share and that maybe God wants me to help others who are going through what I've been through.  This is why I'm posting my story today.  I hope it helps.  I know you can't see into the future, but there is a future and as long as you are trying to seek righteousness, God will deliver you from the Egypt you are in too.  LOVE TO YOU!!! xxoo Darla

The verse I use to fight negative thoughts is, "I take every thought captive under the obedience of Jesus Christ". (2 Corinth 10:5).  Sometimes I still have to repeat this verse over and over especially if I'm being tormented by someone's words or actions or having negative thoughts towards someone.

"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly." John 10:10

Mustard Seed

Matthew 13:31-32

"He told them another parable:  "The kingdom of heaven is like a mustard seed, which a man took and planted in his field.  Though it is the smallest of all seeds, yet when it grows, it is the largest of garden plants and becomes a tree, so that the birds come and perch in its branches."

The Kingdom of Heaven is like a mustard seed?  Mustard seeds are tiny tiny tiny, but when they grow they grow enormously.  What a great parable.  The Kingdom of Heaven has meager beginnings but will grow.  Grow so much so that it will provide shade and respite to the tired and give branches for rest.

Yes, meager beginnings.  I can relate to this parable.  All great things start small don't they?  I can't think of any great thing that every started big.  I think we must trust God for the growth and plant the seed no matter how small.  Planting seeds are a risk aren't they?  I can plant seeds in my back yard in Phoenix and it may or may not grow, but I still plant them in the hope they will grow.  

We can take this attitude towards kindness and forgiveness.  We can plant seeds of kindness, hope, gentleness and love, but we don't really know if those seeds will grow.  We don't know that they won't grow in a different climate (environment).  Is it our job to watch the seed grow or just plant the seed?  Personally I think we just need to plant the seeds and leave the rest up to the Holy Spirit.

There are people in my past who I no longer am acquainted, can't remember their first OR last name yet they planted a seed in my mind in a matter of seconds.  In some cases those seeds started a burning desire in me to get to know God.  Some people can plant seeds that just feed the negative.  Those are the seeds we want to not "receive" but throw down.

God, thank you for this parable.  Thank you for bringing to my mind that my job is not to grow a giant tree, but plant Kingdom seeds no matter how small they are, they have the potential to grow into something amazing - as long as your spirit is upon it.  Amen.

Today I say Thank you

Today I say thank you
for all you have done
I say thank you
for the gift of your son

Without you I would be lost
forever in the black
without you I would be laying
at the end of the track






Thank you for your love
and your every present moment.
Thank you for your grace and
for never giving up on me

I need you, Lord, every day
every second, I need you Lord

Thank you Lord for all you do
thank you Lord for all you don't do
and thank you Lord for whatever your going to do!

The Parable of Weeds among the Wheat

Weeds                                                                                                 Matthew 13:24-30, 36-43

The Parable of Weeds among the Wheat

²⁴ He put before them another parable: “The kingdom of heaven may be compared to someone who sowed good seed in his field; ²⁵ but while everybody was asleep, an enemy came and sowed weeds among the wheat, and then went away. ²⁶ So when the plants came up and bore grain, then the weeds appeared as well. ²⁷ And the slaves of the householder came and said to him, ‘Master, did you not sow good seed in your field? Where, then, did these weeds come from?’ ²⁸ He answered, ‘An enemy has done this.’ The slaves said to him, ‘Then do you want us to go and gather them?’ ²⁹ But he replied, ‘No; for in gathering the weeds you would uproot the wheat along with them. ³⁰ Let both of them grow together until the harvest; and at harvest time I will tell the reapers, Collect the weeds first and bind them in bundles to be burned, but gather the wheat into my barn.’”

Jesus Explains the Parable of the Weeds

³⁶ Then he left the crowds and went into the house. And his disciples approached him, saying, “Explain to us the parable of the weeds of the field.” ³⁷ He answered, “The one who sows the good seed is the Son of Man; ³⁸ the field is the world, and the good seed are the children of the kingdom; the weeds are the children of the evil one, ³⁹ and the enemy who sowed them is the devil; the harvest is the end of the age, and the reapers are angels.⁴⁰ Just as the weeds are collected and burned up with fire, so will it be at the end of the age. ⁴¹ The Son of Man will send his angels, and they will collect out of his kingdom all causes of sin and all evildoers, ⁴² and they will throw them into the furnace of fire, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth. ⁴³ Then the righteous will shine like the sun in the kingdom of their Father. Let anyone with ears^[a] listen!

Tell me it isn't so.  I’m not really a weed am I?  Well, sometimes I am because sometimes my flesh wins and righteousness doesn't.  That is why I so thankful for His grace and mercy.  Jesus talks about leaving the weeds among the good seed, he doesn't ask for us to judge the bad seeds but instead live among them.  Who are we to think we are the good seed ALL the time.  I can strive for righteousness, and I do, but there are those moments where I trip and fall and catch myself in sin.  I am no surprise to God.  The parable of the weeds is about God leaving judgment to Him and Him alone.  There are approximately 7 billion people on this planet and each and every one of us is a treasure to Him.  He loves each of us equally.  He may be more pleased with some more than others, but he loves us equally.  Yes, my name is Darla and I've been a very bad seed (weed) and I've been a good seed.  I strive for more good than bad, but that’s because I love Him so much I want Him to be pleased with me. 

There isn't anything scarier than a Christian who judges another Christian.  Or worse yet, judging an unbeliever.  How can we expect people who don’t have the relationship we do (or love for) God to be able to righteous when they don’t have the Holy Spirit helping them (like we do).  Oh, how I like to take credit for my righteousness.  I get no credit. I know who I was before.  Before Christ I was a feather blowing in the wind, with some universal truths I’d learned along the way.  “Success principles” only get you so far.

High minded Christians have always been a turn off to me.  I remember one high school friend telling his friend I had “gone to seed”.  Well, let’s see, I was 20 years old, I wasn't raised by Christian parents (like him), who was he to make a judgment about me? What he didn't realize is that I didn't want to be a Christian if it meant you went around judging and putting people in "good seed and bad seed boxes".  What would of happened if he had inspired me, coached me, shared with me God’s truth instead of throwing me in the “bad seed box”?  But, you know, he was only 20 too, so what did he really know either.  I forgive him. 

Thank you Jesus for not allowing the good seeds to “pull me out”, thank you for allowing me to learn, grow and have a chance to be one of the good seeds.  I thank you for my life and all the good things you’ve allowed me to be a part of.  I surrender every part of my being to your service.  Use me for your good as I know I am not here to serve my flesh but to bring glory to You alone!  Amen.