Loneliness - Causes and Cures

2 Timothy 4, The last words Apostle Paul ever wrote, he's dying in prison in Rome, he's struggling with loneliness.

4 common causes of loneliness:

1.  Transition - life is a series of transitions.  Any major change can bring on a tinge of loneliness.  Always a loss with every change.  That loss can bring on a little loneliness.  Any life change can bring on loneliness.

2. Separation -   The price of independence is loneliness.  It's rampant in our society because we are separated from those we love for many different reasons.

3. Opposition - when you are under attack by others.  Temptation to build up walls and in order to not let people hurt us again and end up making our self lonelier.

4.  Rejection - When you feel forsaken, abandoned by people you trusted.  We all have a need to be accepted by other people.  When we don't get that it causes enormous pain.  Rejection is the worst thing you can do to a person.  Maybe someone walked out on you.  God cares about the heartache in your heart.  It matters to Him.

You were designed by God for a deep emotional need to be accepted by others.

People who are lonely try getting unlonely by self-defeating ways....like workaholics...so we don't have to think about the lingering pain in our heart.  We think, "If we can just stay busy I can avoid the pain".  Materialism, "I will buy peace".  Sexual escape to compensate for loneliness.  Life becomes a series of one night stands, bar hopping.  Escape into fantasy and try pornography and they dream about a relationship they are dying to have but it's just isn't there and isn't satisfied.

Most people will fall into depression.  They get into a spiral that takes them lower and lower and build buffers around themselves and no one can get around them and they live in a perpetual state of depression.  People build walls around themselves of solitary confinement.  God made us to be in relationship with Him and with others.

What do you do when you go through this season of loneliness?

1.  Utilize your time.  Make the best of a best situation.  Resist the temptation to do nothing.  Take action - any kind of action.  If life gives you a lemon - make lemonade.  Try to think of creative ways to take advantage of the season you are in.  When we are lonely or depressed we don't take care of ourselves very well.  Do the best you can to take care of yourself.  Ask yourself, "What can I do now that will be difficult to do with others now?"

2.  Minimize my hurts - don't rehearse it over and over.  Refuse to become resentful.  Bitterness will eat you up.  Play down the hurt.

3.  Recognize God is presence.  God will not leave us comfortless.  He is with us always even in the end of the world.  We are never really fully alone.

Loneliness is often a FEAR of love.  Afraid to be vulnerable, afraid to step out and risk rejection.  The biggest problem of this fear of love is we don't give ourselves away and we build walls around ourselves.

Loneliness is a time to become better acquainted time with God.  Prayer is a powerful antidote to loneliness.  You can talk to God anytime, anywhere and anyplace.  He cares.  Emphasize others needs.  Focus outward on others and stop focusing on yourself.  Find a ministry where you can use your talents and gifts to help other people.  The loneliness person is a person who is wrapped up in themselves...the selfish and self-centered person.  If you want to break out of loneliness and stop saying "I don't have any friends" and start BEING a friend.  Give yourself away.  See a world that is waiting for friends.  Emphasize other's need.  A lot of loneliness is just a fear of love.  We are afraid to be open, to be vulnerable to share how we really feel and step out and risk a relationship because we may be rejected - when we do this we fear love and we don't give ourselves away.  Stop building walls and start building bridges between you and other people.  TAKE A RISK and begin to help other people.

Regardless of why you feel lonely, God says this to you, "I made you...I put you on this earth for a purpose, I care about you....I LOVE YOU, I have a plan for your life."

The fact is, we expect other people to meet needs in our life that only Jesus Christ can meet.  No man or woman can meet those needs because they are TOO DEEP.  No matter how much a person knows you they will never know you completely like God does.  Loneliness is homesickness for God.

*notes from Pastor Rick Warren, "The Season of loneliness"

Happiness is a choice

Growing in the Season of Loss
Happiness is a choice.

"Thou shall not bellyache"  There are people in the world that would love to have our problems.  It's all about perspective.   I use to complain about not having any shoes until I met a man with no legs.

Bitterness causes us to complain.  Bitterness causes deep trouble and hurting many in their spiritual life.

Acts of God?
new born baby
marriage restored
body ressored and healed
someone set free from addiction

Steps to grow during the seasons of loss.

1.  Accept what cannot be changed.  Face the world FIRM AND COURAGEOUS.  Reach out to God.
2.  Faith is refusing to be discouraged in the face of reality.  Don't pretend you don't have a problem.  It's refusing to be discouraged in spite of the problem that is Faith.

3. Acceptance is the first step to peace.  The only way to peace is to accept.
Instead of being bitter look at what's left instead of what you've lost.  Be thankful God is still with you.  Need an Antedote for depression?  Gratitude.  Look at what's left and not what's lost.

4.  Remember what's important in the losses of life.   The greatest things in life aren't things.  What really matters are relationships and people.  Don't lose your joy over things that aren't important.  We brought nothing into the world, we can't take anything out of it.  You need to build your security from something that can't be taken from you.

Don't confuse your self worth with your net worth.   They are unrelated.  Make your security, the security of Jesus Christ.

Father I thank you for your security.  Thank you for the reminders that "stuff" doesn't matter, but "people" do.  Help me to invest in people and not in "things".  Amen.

*notes from Pastor Rick Warren, "Growing in the Season of Loss".

Enjoy every day of your life...

Growing in the Seasons of Life - 
ENJOY EVERY SEASON YOU ARE IN.

Seasons of life - beyond our control - can't control duration, location or anything about them.  Your schedule just gets thrown out the door.

Grief/Loss is a season of life, and you will go threw that many times in life.  Through death of someone you love or people you love, like your kids, growing up and moving away.

Waiting is a season of life.  Some seasons speed by and others drag on.  Seasons can be confusing.  We understand the season AFTER they are over.

God determines the seasons. See Daniel 2:21.  God is in ultimate control moving towards a destiny He ultimately designed.

God wants to teach you to life by faith not by explanation.  The Christian life lives by faith.  Ecc 3:11.  God does everything just right and on time but people cannot completely understand what he is doing.  If we could understand everything, we would be God.  Our brain isn't big enough to understand why God does what he does.  He has a purpose for every season of our life.

Do I hold on or do I let go.  Difficult times.  A time to keep and a time to throw away.

How can I make the most of each season.  Regardless there are four questions to ask yourself:  Every single season there is an important lesson to learn.

1.  What can I learn in this season of life?  Only learn through experience.  How can I grow from this?
2.  Life is a test.  You will spend far more time in eternity than in here on earth.  God wants us to learn a whole bunch of things before we get over there.  Learn character qualities and will take into eternity. Life is preparation for eternity.
3. What is most important in this season of my life?
4.  ENJOY THE SEASONS

Those who forget the past make the same mistakes.  Don't forget the lessons you learn or you have to relearn them.  Write down the lessons you learn.  So here it goes.

Yesterday I learned that maybe I don't have to be all or nothing on every aspect of my life.  Balance for some areas is healthy - like eating healthy and exercise.  I'm either focused on eating healthy or not at all.  How do I balance the two?  I also learned that I have a "straw ministry".  I am one end of the straw and God is at the other end and He is flowing straight through me to the outside world around me in everyone I meet and encounter - AS LONG AS I AM BALANCED.

I also learned that I'm learning to be content with what I have and that things don't need to be perfect for me to be happy.  People ought to enjoy every day of their life.  Each day is a gift from God.  "Give thanks in all circumstances".  Time is life and life is short.  You can't have it all - all the time.  Make some decisions about what really matters at this time of life.

If you are wise, you will begin to enjoy every single moment of the season you are in.

Father, help me to see the joys of the season I am in, help me to have the discipline to write down my lessons and not have to relearn them.  Help me to make the most of every season and see you in it every single day.

*notes and thoughts from "Understanding the seasons of life" by Pastor Rick Warren.

God's power

Where to put God first?

Whatever you put Him first in your life, will be blessed

5 places

F - Finances - If you want God to bless your finances, you MUST tithe.  God must always get paid first.

I - Interest - hobbies, interest, recreation.  Give God consideration in all your interests.

R - Relationships -  Bring Him into the center of all your relationships.

S - Schedule - Give Him the first part of every day.  You give him the first consideration in all your decisions.

T - Trouble - Need to turn to God first, when you have a problem.  PRAY first.  Don't pray LAST.

Live in His Kingdom, live BY His power.  God does not bless self-reliant people.  He blesses people who are submitted to Him but are God - Dependent. God does what you expect Him to do.  God doesn't give us what we deserve,  He gives us what we needs.  The more we depend on God instead of yourself.  God can do more in ONE week than we can do in our entire lifetime.  That's why it's never too late to surrender to God.

How do I get God's power in my life?

1.  Praying - prayer is the connection to God's power.  Much prayer, much power, little prayer, little prayer, no prayer, no power.
2.  Taking risks to obey God.  If you do what God is telling you to do, God will pour out His power in your life.  We only grow when our faith is being stretched.  If you aren't taking any risks, you don't need any faith.

Don't wait to be confident.  DO IT AFRAID.  Do the thing you fear the most.  Move ahead in spite of your feelings.

God does a miracle when you take the first step, the moment you step out in faith.  God is waiting on you for a miracle....if you want to walk on water, you have to get out of the boat.  Never be afraid to get out on a limb, that's where the miracle is.

What do you know God wants you to do that you haven't done yet?  What is scarying you to death?  That's the very thing God wants you to do, step out in faith and let Him show you a miracle.  Don't give up.

God, I ask you at this moment to bring to my mind that which scares me the most that you want me to do...put in my mind where you would have me step out in faith.  Let me go forward bolding and with faith be a part of the miracle you want to do in my life so I may give you all the glory.  Amen.

*notes from Pastor Rick Warren's "Connecting with God, The Prayer of Fulfillment, Part 2".

Book Review of "Feelings Buried Alive Never Die" by Karol Truman

I recently finished reading "Feelings Buried Alive Never Die..." and have walked way changed.  It's more clear to me than ever that we cannot simply "not deal with" our emotions and expect them to go away.  They will affect our lives, our health, our relationships our mental health whether dealt with or not.  Prepare to read this book and open up to emotions that have been buried.  Use the scripted prayers to release them and replace them with positive emotions and self acceptance.  DARE to explore what's holding you back and keeping you from being all God called you to be!!  I downloaded this to my ipad and read a little each day and can honestly say that MANY of my negative belief systems have "exited stage left" never to return and now I'm enjoying freedom from self-judgement, from negative thought patterns and habits.  I continue to ask God to bring forward feelings and emotions that have no business being in my adult life.  This book will be come a resource tool to me just like the Bible is.  Enjoy the read, get ready to break free and GROW.

Here are the chapters.

Chapter 1: The Language of Feelings

Chapter 2: Energy Vibrations

Chapter 3: Where Feelings Begin

Chapter 4: How Feelings Impact Our Lives

Chapter 5: The Importance of Becoming Single Minded

Chapter 6: Erasing Illusions

Chapter 7: Let's Get Started

Chapter 8: The Major Feelings

Chapter 9: It Just "Is"

Chapter 10: Early Up-Bringing

Chapter 11: Becoming Accountable

Chapter 12: Getting Along With Others

Chapter 13: When Feelings Remain Unresolved

Chapter 14: Discharge Your Stress

Chapter 15: Eliminating Stressors

Chapter 16: Enjoy the "Now"

Chapter 17: List of Feelings

Chapter 18: A Personal Experience and Probable Feelings Causing Ill-ness

Chapter 19: Self-Fulfilling Prophecies

Chapter 20: A More Harmonious Be-ing

Chapter 21: Freeing The Soul

Don't be afraid - Order the book, download the book and start exploring and uncovering those deep rooted emotions you have buried alive that haven't died.

How do I live for God's Glory?

How do I live for God's glory? 

Who's glory are you living for?  Yourself? Your spouse? Your parents?  God says I want you to live for MY glory.  People are not fulfilled because they give first class allegiance to second class causes.  Then the causes betray them.  God did not put you on earth to live for others, but to live for HIS glory.  Only God is worthy of your first class allegiance.

Don't live for your job.  
You won't be fulfilled.

Don't live for approval.  
You won't be fulfilled.

Don't live for money. 
 You won't be fulfilled.

Don't live for sex.  
You won't be fulfilled.

One thing worth living for:  THE GLORY OF GOD

Four steps on how to live for the Glory of God.

1. Show love to everybody.  Love people the way Jesus loved.  Learn to love people the way God loves people.  "Warmly welcome each other, just as Christ has warmly welcomed you. then God will be glorified."  Simple hospitality glorifies God.  Can you be nice to people? If you want God's power in your life, do something you are afraid to do.  You can accept someone without approving everything they do.

2.  Use your abilities to serve everybody.  God did not give you your talents for the benefit of yourself, they are for the benefit of other people.  1 Peter 4:10.  I want to live in your kingdom, by your power and to your glory.  If I don't use my talents, I cheat others.  God is glorified when you use your talent to serve others.  The more you help others, the more God pours out to you.

3. Share the good news with everyone.  Find a church where it's safe to bring your friends. The only thing that's going to last for eternity - is God's family.  A thousand years from today there won't be a Microsoft or a United States.  No earthly kingdom lasts.  God's word and people are the only thing that will last forever.  

4. Do you want to live a fulfilled life?  Each morning sit on the side of your bed and pray one sentence, "Father, today I'll be in by 4".  What does that mean?  Father, today, I will live in your kingdom (I'll put you in my schedule, finances, relationships -you're #1), by your power (gonna take risks, pray all day and hang on when I feel like giving up), for Your glory (show love to everyone I meet, share my talent with everyone I meet, share good news of compassion and mercy and be a part of your family).

Will you do it?  Will you "be in by 4"?  

Father, I want to put you first in any area of my life, in my troubles, my finances and my schedules, I want to live by your power, help me to spend more on you and less then myself, give me the faith that are necessary to grow and help me to not give up and get discouraged.  Dear God, I want to live for your glory, I want my life to be a blessing to others.  I want to serve others, share the good news who don't even know you.  Help me to do all these things, in Jesus name, amen.

*notes from Pastor Rick Warren's sermon "Connecting with God, The Prayer of Fulfillment, Part 3).

Dear Darla of the past,

I’m writing this to you in the hopes you can circumvent some of the train wrecks you have on the horizon if you keep on the path you are on.

First of all, I want you to know that Jesus is the hole in your heart and to search Him out and believe His promises and the Word of God and not the words of others around you.  The Devil will try to destroy you and your mind with lies about yourself and others, don’t believe him, believe in the truth of the Bible.  Study it every day and pray for revelation and truth to be revealed.

Your brother, your sisters, your mom and dad and peers have lied to you.  You are beautiful, you are worth something, Jesus accepts you as you are.  You do belong to His kingdom, stop trying to belong to the world, you don’t belong to the world. 

Life will be tough, but you will get through it and you will learn and be stronger because of your trials.  Find your gifts and serve others with your gifts.  You cannot be selfish and happy at the same time.  You don’t have to do it alone, you have the Holy Spirit.  Find a community of believers who will remind you and encourage you every day.

You can stop trying to fit into your families culture. Your family culture is not God’s culture.  Your self esteem is not equal to their opinion and your performance (and success) but rather the truth of what God says about you and He says you are the “righteousness of God”.  Believe me that you are.  I know you are ashamed of your behavior/decisions you’ve made and in your heart you desperately want to make the right decisions, but you’re are divided between what your heart says and what your environment is telling you. 

You are beautiful the way you are.  Accept yourself and stop trying to please everyone around you in the hopes of feeling unconditional acceptance.  Only God can love you the way you long for, so search him and build the relationship with him so you will feel that connection.

You have compassion and a heart to serve, so go serve.  Use your creativity and discernment and find a way to serve, you will find joy there.

Lastly, remember that YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY and to balance putting yourself last to everyone else’s needs.  Your needs matter.  YOU MATTER.  YOU MATTER TO GOD.  Take care of your body, LOVE YOURSELF.  TAKE CARE to what you read, the people you invest in and the environment you place yourself in.

Remember….the best is yet to come and you CAN HOPE FOR HAPPINESS.

I love you,

Darla (senior)