The top 5 reasons why it took me 10 years to go to church

Top five 5 reasons why it took me 10 years to go to church.

I few weeks ago I encountered a couple and engaged in a conversation about church.   I noticed the topic going off into several tangents with regards to this couples faith, passion and pain.  In this conversation, the passion (and I"m not so sure the passion was healthy) was so aggressive towards people knowing how "sacred communion is" that I had a quick flash back to my days when I was petrified to be around "Christian people".  This person found it of ABSOULTE importance that everyone coming to church should know the deep theology that corresponded with communion.  Hmm.  I reminded her that many people who come to church may not even know what communion is, they were lost and something sparked them to come to a church service to see if God was there.  If a person like this (like me) would of encountered this couple and their "passion", they would never return.  This led me to sharing the 5 biggies why it took me 10 years to go back to church AFTER I found Jesus and had a close, personal relationship with Him.

1.  My experience with Christians were that of judgement and condemnation.   I wasn't raised in a church going family, I didn't "know things", I had "sin" in my life that I felt like I would be judged on.   I didn't realize that Jesus could use that ignorance to His benefit until later. PS.  I'm still learning "things" after working at a church for 4 years.  By the way...I've since discovered NOT ALL CHRISTIANS are judgmental and condemning!

2.  I felt safer alone.  

Yes, no risks.  I could just commune with my God and not have to take any risks of being vulnerable and being judged.  On the flip side, it kept me from connecting with people on deep levels as well.

3.  I didn't know any Christians

My world was filled with "good people who didn't need God".  I had one Christian friend and even the church they went to I witnessed behavior that (in my mind seasoned Christians would act like).  Yes, seasoned (mature) Christians still act human.  What a relief - the goal is not to be perfect!!!

4.  I didn't know enough to know WHAT type of church to go to.

Instinctively I knew there were no denominations in heaven, so I was ignorant of the different theologies, and quite frankly was "bliss" with that ignorance.

5.  I didn't want to be associated as a "religious" person.  Jesus was not "religious" in fact he called the pharisees "vipers and snakes".  The religious people of his time were his worst enemies!  He was a rebel against "religion".  There is nothing more ugly to me than a judgmental person using God as their weapon against people.  This is SO WRONG.  the more I studied Jesus, I more I came to understand he did NOT condemn people.  He gave them opportunities to follow him, but when they decided against it, he didn't argue with them, judge them or snuff his nose.  He wished them well and kept walking.   He met peoples needs on basic levels and told him about His father in heaven and how to treat people.  I wanted to be a Jesus disciple, but not a religious person.

In summary, if you are a "religious" person, do us all a favor, LIGHTEN UP.  We aren't all raised in churches, learning what all the church language is or understanding why its important to you.  We are broken, we want to find hope in God and we are going to Church in the hopes he's there.  Don't scare us away with your language and attitudes.  Don't judge us.  Meet our needs.  Mostly we just need to know it's okay we don't know anything but we need help.

The irony of all of this is now I work at a church.  But, isn't this just like God to put someone like me at the front line of the mission.  He knew that I would make sure everyone I came into contact with would feel welcomed even if they didn't know the "terms".  I love church now, I still don't like being around the "religious" ones, but I've found many more heartfelt merciful loving people in the church than the few that spoil it.  So, don't let one bad experience ruin it for you.  Keep swinging the bat to find a place to call home.  God never intended for you do "life" without a spiritual family....maybe that family is at a church, maybe not, but finda spiritual family so you can go through "stuff" together and develop deep connections.  It's worth it!

"Scary Close" by Donald Miller - BRAVE ~ AUTHENTIC ~ HONEST

I've always been a Donald Miller fan.  I've used his Storyline Productivity schedule (a free pdf) for the last year and a half, I've completed his "life plan" series, I've followed his blog, what I haven't done is read any of his books, so when "Scary Close" came out, I just wanted to support his ministry by purchasing the book, and maybe getting around to reading it behind the long list of other books I've bought and not read!

However, this book within the first chapter was so brave, authentic and honest I had to keep reading.  So much so that I actually took notes on each chapter!    Scary Close is about taking off the masks we wear (discovering where those masks come from) and learning how to connect deeply to others in honest, authentic ways by eliminating the masks.

Here are some of my "ah-ha" moments:

•  Finding "safe people" to be in relationships (business, intimate or other) will eliminate 90% of the drama in your life.
• Guard your heart, it's worth protecting! 
• Unless we are honest with each other, we can't connect.
• If you are a healthy person in an unhealthy relationship, the relationship will end up unhealthy
• We become like the people we hang out with.
• Greatest growth comes right after a "cut back".
• DECEPTION KILLS INTIMACY (all caps is intentional!)
• 5 different kinds of manipulators (and YES you will see yourself and others)
• Don't live into your failures
• If our identity is broken (by others) don't allow it to shut you down.
• Risk being known in order to be loved!
• Judgement shuts us down and makes us hide - fight it!!

I could go on and on.  This book is FULL of insights but not from a "giving advice" standpoint but more as a 1st person narrative of Don's life.  His vulnerability and his life is being shared (yes, shared as if we were old friends) to help identify/relate and experience change.  I love the honesty in anyone I meet let alone a author who has everything to lose by being authentic and transparent. 

This book is brave and courageous, it encourages us to risk being vulnerable in order to ultimately connect with other human beings.  It's better to connect on a deep level with a few (authentically) then connect with many on the surface.  Don ties it all together in the last chapter, So, put on your brave boots and get ready to get real with yourself (and get to hear Don's story) and I guarantee reading this book will create a positive shift in you in some way!  A+++++++++++++++++++

Do you spend more time planning your vacation, then your life?  If so,  I recommend this course:
http://www.creatingyourlifeplan.com/

More about Scary Close and a look at Don and Betsy's wedding:  http://scaryclose.com/

What does God require of you? Micah 6:8

ACT JUSTLY - LOVE MERCY - WALK HUMBLY

About 15 years ago I was seeking to know what God required from me.  I understood what He did for me, but what was it he wanted me to do?  I called a pastor and asked him.  He pointed me to Micah 6:8 and this changed my life.  Micah 6:8 clearly tells us how God wants us to act.  For more on how to love in healthy ways, go to 1 Corinth 13.  Here's my devotion on Micah 6:8

Micah 5:2-4; 6:6-8

In the book of Micah, chapter 5 and 6, God promises a ruler from Bethlehem; desires justice, kindness, walking humbly with God.  This brings hope to despairing and disobedient Israel. When the people respond with their ideas on how to respond to the Lord, verse 8 reveals the three things the Lord requires of us:

1. ACT JUSTLY:  This would have been understood by Micah’s audience as living with a sense of right
and wrong. In particular, the judicial courts had a responsibility to provide equity and protect the
innocent. Injustice was a problem in Israel at that time. Injustice is still a problem in our current times;

2. LOVE MERCY:  contains the Hebrew word "hesed", which means “loyal love” or “loving-kindness.” Along with justice, Israel was to provide mercy. Both justice and mercy are foundational to God’s character (Psalm 89:14). God expected His people to show love to their fellow man
and to be loyal in their love toward Him, just as He had been loyal to them (Micah 2:8-9;3:10-11;6:12).

3.  WALK HUMBLY:  Walking humbly is a description of the heart’s attitude toward God. God’s people depend on Him rather than their own abilities (Micah 2:3). Instead of taking pride in what we bring to God, we humbly recognize that no amount of personal sacrifice can replace a heart committed to justice and love. The response of a godly heart is outward (do justice), inward (love mercy), and upward (walk humbly).

The message of Micah is so relevant to today. Religious rites, no matter how extravagant, can never
compensate for a lack of love (1 Corinthians 13:3). Compliance to rules is not as valuable in God’s eyes as a humble heart that simply does what is right. 

QUESTIONS
How could you act justly, show mercy and be humble before God on a daily basis?
How do you "show mercy" in your every day life? Where could you show more mercy (or to who)? Which one of those actions is easiest for you and which is hardest? Why?

PRAYER
God of mercy, you have transformed us by your promises of deliverance time and time again. Teach us to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with you, God, for the sake of Jesus Christ, our Lord. Amen.

Why we hate conflict.

Why we hate conflict

The idea of facing conflict evokes FEAR.  Fear of these things:

• Fear of our emotions
• Fear of being misunderstood
• Fear of your words being used against you
• Fear of rejection
• Fear of ultimately not being accepted by the other person

This is why we avoid conflict.    The only way to resolve a conflict is to FACE IT.  In order to face it, you will have to deal with your fears.

For information on how to handle and resolve conflict, please see below link from Rick Warren.

http://www.oneplace.com/ministries/daily-hope/listen/resolving-conflict-part-1-362306.html

25 lessons I've learned in the last 25 years.

1.  Sometimes what I think I want isn't really what I want.  What I think I want isn't what I need.  What I need may not be what I want!




2.  Appreciate my health and take care of myself because it will catch up with me.



3.  Being "right" is incredibly over rated (unless you are a neurosurgeon or an anesthesiologist).



4.  Relationships matter more than "stuff".



5.  Make sure when I'm asking for advice to ask advice from the "right" person.  Someone who shares the same worldview (for me that's from the Bible) as I do, or I will get off course.



6.  Spend time creating a Life Plan not a "vacation plan".  I don't want to have to escape my life with a vacation.



7.  My children have taught me more about myself than I have about themselves.



8.  I will always make a point to add value to people's lives around me.



9.  Finding a hobby/passion that excites me warrants more time doing those things.



10.  It's important for me to have a community of people I trust surrounding me for when I get off track with my thinking or habits.



11.  I will always be open to learning lessons not matter how old I get.



12.  It's important to have people in my life who are "further along" emotionally, mentally and financially in order to ask questions and learn from.



13.  I Understand there are people I will meet that are not meant to be in my life forever so don't hold on.



14.  When it's right - I will know it.  Somethings are not meant to be "hard".



15.  Don't try to conquer big things by myself.  I wasn't designed to go through tough times by myself.



16.  Trust God.  He's there to help me succeed.  He's my LIFE COACH.  If I study his word and learn how to hear Him.  He will be my best advisor.



17.  When people hurt me, I will pray for them and wish them well.  I can't stay mad at people I pray for and wish well.



18.  Unforgiveness is a way to poison myself.



19.  It's important to be kind to people, everyone has a story.



20.  When someone asks me, "How are you?"  I will really answer them.  This gives them permission to be authentic with me and I have found developed real friendships from this authenticity.



21.  It takes ONE person to want a relationship to work.  If I am that ONE person, I will make sure the relationship I am holding onto  is a healthy one.



22.  Healthy love is patient, kind, forgiving, gentle, trusting, doesn't keep score, not easily angered or offended.  If I am not those things, my number one goal would be to learn HOW TO BE those things
.

23.  I don't have to be like everyone else to accept everyone else.  Accept and love people and embrace their uniqueness.



24.  It's perfectly natural for my kids to grow up and want to be separate from me- it's not rejection - it's human nature!!



25.  Love my kids and spend time with them when I can, it will make all the difference when they are older and it will define a legacy which will outlast me.



BONUS:
26.  Find a career I love and don't waste time in a career I am not gifted to be in.  This doesn't mean I don't make sacrifices, but I let those sacrifices be material things (not my time) until I find a career I fall in love with.  I am gifted for certain professions, figure out what those are and DON'T GIVE UP until I get there!!



27.   When you get married, it's not about choosing the perfect person, it's about loving the IMPERFECT person you chose.


28.  Figure out the top 5 roles you want to play and get really good at those roles and don't spread myself too thin.

Why I hate Facebook

5 reasons why I hate Facebook.

1.  Facebook promotes superficial relationships.  

I want to nurture authentic relationships not superficial ones.  The people on my Facebook that are authentic I will continue to text, email and call.  However, some people belong in your past - keep them there!  

2.  Facebook promotes low self esteem and cheap validation. 

Every time I updated my photo or uploaded a photo of my family, I felt like I was begging for attention and validation.  I don't need validation.  I know who I am and I know who my family are.  They are cute, adorable and so am I.

3.  Facebook steals my time.  
Minute by minute scrolling through people's opinions, food choices and photos steals time away from my husband, kids and my close friends.  I'd rather spend my time reading books that will IMPROVE my life.  Life is short and I'm quite sure I  won't wish I'd spent more time on Facebook when I'm on my death bed.

4.  Facebook promotes discontent.  
Every time I would see someone taking a cool vacation with their family or having a meal out, I am happy for them....and unhappy for me.  It makes me compare and I don't need to compare.  My life is awesome so why tempt myself by comparing my life to others. 

5.  Facebook uses me.
Yes, ultimately Facebook is the ultimate marketing tool and they use all my friends, interest and life to promote and make money.  I'm not going to be used for anything other than to serve out God's purpose in my life in the name of love and Facebook just doesn't fit into that theme.

Have anything to add?

God loved you first!

I have been listening to Rick Warren's podcast "What on Earth Am I here For?  Called to Be Loved" and I wanted to share Rick Warren's points regarding what we are called to do.

Our first purpose of our life is to be LOVED BY GOD.  Our first calling is to ENJOY A RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD.  That relationship that God wants you to have is to be His SON or His DAUGHTER.
1 John 3

God's love is wide enough to be anywhere - no place on the planet where God's love doesn't exist.

Because we are God's children, He will share His inheritance.  We have total access to God because He loves us that much.  We can go boldly to God anytime we want and talk to him.  We can go to Him with confidence in our time of need.  We are daughters and sons of God and we can ask for anything in Jesus' name.

When I stopped having a religion and started having a relationship with God, I could then experience peace in the mist of the pain.  That's the difference between having a "religion" versus having a "relationship".  Our God is a LIVING GOD, He is available 24/7 if we acknowledge Him and pray.  It doesn't mean He will give us everything we ask, because some of the things we ask for are not the best thing for us and we don't even know that because we can't see the bigger picture.  There are just going to be some things that happen that we can't explain that are negative life events, God promises to give us the "peace that passes all understanding" if we go to him with thanksgiving and supplication (earnestly asking for help).