The top 5 reasons why it took me 10 years to go to church

Top five 5 reasons why it took me 10 years to go to church.

I few weeks ago I encountered a couple and engaged in a conversation about church.   I noticed the topic going off into several tangents with regards to this couples faith, passion and pain.  In this conversation, the passion (and I"m not so sure the passion was healthy) was so aggressive towards people knowing how "sacred communion is" that I had a quick flash back to my days when I was petrified to be around "Christian people".  This person found it of ABSOULTE importance that everyone coming to church should know the deep theology that corresponded with communion.  Hmm.  I reminded her that many people who come to church may not even know what communion is, they were lost and something sparked them to come to a church service to see if God was there.  If a person like this (like me) would of encountered this couple and their "passion", they would never return.  This led me to sharing the 5 biggies why it took me 10 years to go back to church AFTER I found Jesus and had a close, personal relationship with Him.

1.  My experience with Christians were that of judgement and condemnation.   I wasn't raised in a church going family, I didn't "know things", I had "sin" in my life that I felt like I would be judged on.   I didn't realize that Jesus could use that ignorance to His benefit until later. PS.  I'm still learning "things" after working at a church for 4 years.  By the way...I've since discovered NOT ALL CHRISTIANS are judgmental and condemning!

2.  I felt safer alone.  

Yes, no risks.  I could just commune with my God and not have to take any risks of being vulnerable and being judged.  On the flip side, it kept me from connecting with people on deep levels as well.

3.  I didn't know any Christians

My world was filled with "good people who didn't need God".  I had one Christian friend and even the church they went to I witnessed behavior that (in my mind seasoned Christians would act like).  Yes, seasoned (mature) Christians still act human.  What a relief - the goal is not to be perfect!!!

4.  I didn't know enough to know WHAT type of church to go to.

Instinctively I knew there were no denominations in heaven, so I was ignorant of the different theologies, and quite frankly was "bliss" with that ignorance.

5.  I didn't want to be associated as a "religious" person.  Jesus was not "religious" in fact he called the pharisees "vipers and snakes".  The religious people of his time were his worst enemies!  He was a rebel against "religion".  There is nothing more ugly to me than a judgmental person using God as their weapon against people.  This is SO WRONG.  the more I studied Jesus, I more I came to understand he did NOT condemn people.  He gave them opportunities to follow him, but when they decided against it, he didn't argue with them, judge them or snuff his nose.  He wished them well and kept walking.   He met peoples needs on basic levels and told him about His father in heaven and how to treat people.  I wanted to be a Jesus disciple, but not a religious person.

In summary, if you are a "religious" person, do us all a favor, LIGHTEN UP.  We aren't all raised in churches, learning what all the church language is or understanding why its important to you.  We are broken, we want to find hope in God and we are going to Church in the hopes he's there.  Don't scare us away with your language and attitudes.  Don't judge us.  Meet our needs.  Mostly we just need to know it's okay we don't know anything but we need help.

The irony of all of this is now I work at a church.  But, isn't this just like God to put someone like me at the front line of the mission.  He knew that I would make sure everyone I came into contact with would feel welcomed even if they didn't know the "terms".  I love church now, I still don't like being around the "religious" ones, but I've found many more heartfelt merciful loving people in the church than the few that spoil it.  So, don't let one bad experience ruin it for you.  Keep swinging the bat to find a place to call home.  God never intended for you do "life" without a spiritual family....maybe that family is at a church, maybe not, but finda spiritual family so you can go through "stuff" together and develop deep connections.  It's worth it!

My Lenten Journey - Day 8

March 12, 2014

The day I stepped out of my comfort zone and had my first choir rehearsal.  Wow.  I was a nervous wreck.  My husband and I joined the Festival Choir to sing at the Easter Cantata (a word I wouldn't of even know what it meant had I not came to work here).

I'm excited and nervous at the same time.

When I was in high school I tried out for a choir and failed the audition.  I allowed that failure to keep me from singing in front of people (with exception of my kids) for my whole life.  Occasionally my husband would catch me singing worship and encourage me.  My self consciousness about singing grew and grew and grew to the point where it's a mountain in my mind.  IN MY MIND.

The good news is that I've learned that I don't have to bow to my feelings.  That just because I feel a certain way doesn't mean I have to give into it.  So, my love of singing has outweighed my fear of being "heard". Enough so to commit to singing in the Easter Cantata.  I've been practicing for weeks with the CD our Music Director has given me and I have stretched my vocal cords and practiced in front of my daughter who would tell me the truth if I stunk really bad!  She has a natural voice for singing and she believes I can do this.  So from the faith of my daughter and knowing God is with me and will anoint me do this, I'm stepping out of my comfort zone.

There I was seated in between two seasoned choir singers about to sing and realizing both of them will hear me.  I said a quick prayer and did the best I could.  I couldn't really hear myself singing which made me nervous to know if I was harmonizing or not.  I was getting praise from the Music Director but she is my peer and knows I am nervous so I was thankful for her encouragement.  I tried to adjust to my uncomfortable self by making jokes and making people laugh.  Interesting that I do that as a way to lighten my own spirits.  In a way I was humbling myself and setting the stage for people to not expect a whole lot from this new choir singer.

My husband was singing bass and later he disclosed he was as nervous and I and at 2/3 of the way through felt he didn't belong there.  We discussed the miracle on the other side of our stretching ourselves and comfort zones (as well as our vocal cords) and we agreed to keep going on.  To pray and ask for help.

The next day I asked our Music Director how I did.  She said I did great and I blended right in.  That if I was out of harmony, she would of heard me.  She offered to work with me as much as I needed.  I explained to her this was much bigger than singing.  This was about overcoming vulnerability and rejection and I was trusting God to do something great with me stepping out on this ledge.

Today I conquered a fear with God's help.  I will take it a day at time and know that I am not left alone to overcome my fears.  The bible says 365 times "Do not be afraid".  Taped to my computer monitor is the verse:

"I can do whatever I need to do in life through Christ who strengthens me"  Phil 4:3

Father God, thank you for the opportunity to tell Jesus' passion in a form of worship.  Please continue to give me strength of spirit to risk rejection and to put myself out there for all to see in an area I don't feel qualified.  Let you be the qualifier for me.  Let your Holy Spirit take over my voice and sing to You.  Please help both me and Charles adjust to our discomfort and know that on the other side awaits a miracle.  We put our lives into your hands and surrender all. In Jesus' name, Amen.