My Lenten Journey - Day 8

March 12, 2014

The day I stepped out of my comfort zone and had my first choir rehearsal.  Wow.  I was a nervous wreck.  My husband and I joined the Festival Choir to sing at the Easter Cantata (a word I wouldn't of even know what it meant had I not came to work here).

I'm excited and nervous at the same time.

When I was in high school I tried out for a choir and failed the audition.  I allowed that failure to keep me from singing in front of people (with exception of my kids) for my whole life.  Occasionally my husband would catch me singing worship and encourage me.  My self consciousness about singing grew and grew and grew to the point where it's a mountain in my mind.  IN MY MIND.

The good news is that I've learned that I don't have to bow to my feelings.  That just because I feel a certain way doesn't mean I have to give into it.  So, my love of singing has outweighed my fear of being "heard". Enough so to commit to singing in the Easter Cantata.  I've been practicing for weeks with the CD our Music Director has given me and I have stretched my vocal cords and practiced in front of my daughter who would tell me the truth if I stunk really bad!  She has a natural voice for singing and she believes I can do this.  So from the faith of my daughter and knowing God is with me and will anoint me do this, I'm stepping out of my comfort zone.

There I was seated in between two seasoned choir singers about to sing and realizing both of them will hear me.  I said a quick prayer and did the best I could.  I couldn't really hear myself singing which made me nervous to know if I was harmonizing or not.  I was getting praise from the Music Director but she is my peer and knows I am nervous so I was thankful for her encouragement.  I tried to adjust to my uncomfortable self by making jokes and making people laugh.  Interesting that I do that as a way to lighten my own spirits.  In a way I was humbling myself and setting the stage for people to not expect a whole lot from this new choir singer.

My husband was singing bass and later he disclosed he was as nervous and I and at 2/3 of the way through felt he didn't belong there.  We discussed the miracle on the other side of our stretching ourselves and comfort zones (as well as our vocal cords) and we agreed to keep going on.  To pray and ask for help.

The next day I asked our Music Director how I did.  She said I did great and I blended right in.  That if I was out of harmony, she would of heard me.  She offered to work with me as much as I needed.  I explained to her this was much bigger than singing.  This was about overcoming vulnerability and rejection and I was trusting God to do something great with me stepping out on this ledge.

Today I conquered a fear with God's help.  I will take it a day at time and know that I am not left alone to overcome my fears.  The bible says 365 times "Do not be afraid".  Taped to my computer monitor is the verse:

"I can do whatever I need to do in life through Christ who strengthens me"  Phil 4:3

Father God, thank you for the opportunity to tell Jesus' passion in a form of worship.  Please continue to give me strength of spirit to risk rejection and to put myself out there for all to see in an area I don't feel qualified.  Let you be the qualifier for me.  Let your Holy Spirit take over my voice and sing to You.  Please help both me and Charles adjust to our discomfort and know that on the other side awaits a miracle.  We put our lives into your hands and surrender all. In Jesus' name, Amen.